The Keys to Successfully Relocating Children
By Beverly D. Roman

All members of a relocating family must make a smooth and happy transition for the move to be deemed successful. Romain explains how literature can help ease the transition for children and teens by helping say goodbye and prepare for the new location.

As families prepare for a move, the adults often are caught up in the pandemonium of schedules, packing, cleaning, and completing checklists. In addition, they also must deal with such common relocation challenges as dual-career issues, elder care responsibilities, and finding reliable support networks if they are single parents. These concerns make it increasingly difficult for parents to find time to nurture children through their moving concerns.

One-fourth (10.3 million) of those who move each year are children. These children are thrust into a situation not of their choosing, one where they reluctantly have to adjust not only to new schools and new friends, but sometimes to a new family structure as well.

Helping Children Cope One of the most effective ways to help children is by listening to them and finding practical methods for them to work through their relocation concerns. One method that is particularly beneficial is to give children books that allow them to identify with the characters and situations. In Helping Children Cope: Children and Moving, Dr. Arlene M. Fulton said, “Concerns of characters within a story can serve as a wonderful way to begin talking about personal worries.”

It has been documented that there is no substitute for reading to, or along with, a child, as it promotes discussion and understanding.

The benefits of interaction between adults and children were confirmed when BR Anchor Publishing conducted several studies in conjunction with educators in United States and United Kingdom schools between 1998 and 2003. The educators created a curriculum that centered on age-appropriate relocation books and led class discussions about the literature. These studies were enlightening, as children discovered that moving can be a positive event and that many other children experience similar transitions. Children said that understanding these aspects made them feel less lonely. The studies also served to assist children who seldom or never moved become more empathetic to their new classmates.

Interestingly enough, in addition to children moving to a new home, research shows that 30 to 40 percent of school changes are non-move related. Providing appropriate reading material, creating opportunities for children to talk about their feelings, and helping new students interface with other youngsters who have made successful transfers are a few ways educators can become more proactive.

Bibliotherapy In Molding the Minds of the Young: the History of Bibliotherapy as Applied to Children and Adolescents, James Blasingame and Lori Goodson said, “For many years, books have been viewed as powerful tools to guide children’s thinking, strengthen their character, shape their behavior, and more recently, to solve their problems.”

The bibliotherapy theory is effective because it allows the reader to identify with a character and realize that he or she is not the only person with a particular problem. As the character works through a problem, the reader is emotionally involved in the struggle and ultimately achieves insight about his or her own situation.

Maxweber Hunter, who has written many articles and theories on bibliotherapy, said it is beneficial because children are believed to pass through the following three stages:

Identification. Children understand that a book character and events in the story, either real or fictitious, are similar to themselves and their situations.

Catharsis. Children become emotionally involved in the story and are able to release pent-up emotions under safe conditions (often through discussion or art work).

Insight. With the help of an adult, children become aware that their problems also might be addressed or solved. Possible solutions to the book characters’ and one’s own personal problems are identified.

The Experts Speak When selecting literature, educators and experts recommend that parents choose books that sensitively portray a similar problem or emotion their children are experiencing.

Here are their recommendations about how books can help teenagers, preteens, and young children manage relocation.

Teens. Books should give teenagers practical advice on organization, ways to be proactive, and methods to cope with moving. Smoothing goodbyes is a significant part of being able to move on to other wholesome relationships; teens should be aware of how to select suitable friends. The material should encourage family interaction and ways to learn about the new location. Providing life-skill tips to an age group that is growing in independence also is highly recommended.

Preteens. Literature should emphasize to preteens that even though moving can be scary, change also can bring unexpected benefits. This adventuresome age group likes books that stretch their imagination. Books for preteens should provide a variety of games, activities, and word puzzles, as well as ways to maintain friendships and establish new relationships.

Young Children. Books for the four- to eight-year-old age group should sensitively portray common problems or emotions children may experience during a move. Easy books with activities and safety tips are recommended. These children have definite interests in characters who can help them understand the story and visualize their own move. Labeled pictures help them connect words and objects more easily. Recipes and maps also are recommended.

Successfully Moving On Those who interface with relocating children must understand that children only see what they are leaving – what they are giving up. I recommend that the parents “paint a picture” for their children. Help them learn about the things that they are most concerned about changing, such as their home, school, and city. Visualizing a new community is considerably easier today because the Internet provides a virtual means to explore cities and countries, enabling parents and children to learn about their new home together.

Dr. David Pollack, a well-known expert in third-culture kid (TCK) transitions believes that in order to move on to new relationships, it is important to leave old relationships properly. Pollock uses books for young children, preteens, and teenagers in his worldwide cultural transition programs. He created the “RAFT” theory, which promotes:

Reconciliation: resolving conflicts before leaving;

Affirmation: telling friends they are special;

Farewells: saying goodbye in culturally appropriate ways; and

Think destination: understanding expectations of the new location.

Pollock’s suggestions are especially useful for preteens and teenagers, and a relocation book should take them through a similar process and give them advice for creating new friendships. Younger children also can learn how to say goodbye in a positive way, such as exchanging photos, little gift items, and e-mail and postal addresses with friends, so they can continue to share important experiences.

Although each child accepts change in different ways, all children experience a sense of loss when they move. The Families and Work Institute, New York, NY, said, “While a younger child may have irrational fears and nightmares, an older child may not pay attention to school work or could have headaches and stomachaches. A five-year-old may need repeated assurances that people care, and a 12-year-old can benefit from spending time with trusted friends and adults.”

Some children seem to adapt easily soon after a transition, only to later realize problems. Others (especially teens) may explicitly tell parents that their lives are coming to an end, and then adapt surprisingly well to their new environment. Literature that takes children through this process will help them work through their challenges and teach them how to settle in and make friends in a new location.

Children need time to adapt, so when the decision to move is made, parents should present their plans to the children in a positive and united way that is appropriate for each child’s age. It is especially important that parents discuss situations that could affect children in an upcoming move, which could range from how frequently they will see friends and relatives, to how their everyday life will be in the new country.

International terrorism also has become a concern of children in the past several years, so they need to understand the safety issues in their new community.

The majority of children initially will oppose the idea of moving because they do not know what lies ahead; however, studies also show that how parents react to relocation directly impacts how the children will adjust. They will know if a parent is excited, willing to make the best of it, or extremely unhappy about a transition.

Donna Warner Manczak, Ph.D., M.P.H, in her article “Using Books to Help Children Cope” said, “When parents think about moving as a positive experience and keep in mind the special needs of children, the transition will go more smoothly. Children take comfort in knowing they are not alone.”

It has been proven that it is far healthier for people to “take action” as opposed to simply worrying about a problem. I suggest that parents involve their children in the planning process of the move so that they feel they are important to its success.

Give children manageable chores as appropriate for their ages and abilities. Suggested activities include organizing their own belongings, sorting through their toys and clothing for items they no longer use, planning the travel to the new home, and caring for the family pet.

It is possible to teach children about an entire move through books and activities. Through literature, children can learn to more effectively cope with their relocation challenges, and also understand that they are not alone as they move to a new school and a new home.

Developing awareness of children’s relocation challenges cannot be over-emphasized. Successfully integrating into a new environment and creating a happy adjustment will help children achieve self-confidence, develop interpersonal skills, and be more successful in school.

Literature can be an effective tool to not only help children deal with emotional and social problems, but also to help them achieve a positive and growth-enhancing relocation.

Beverly D. Roman is publisher of BR Anchor Publishing, Wilmington, NC. She can be reached at 910-256-9598, email, or web site.

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